I refuse to click through all the VA Tech news, refuse to turn the news on again and utterly cannot bear to hear another child brought before mic to express, "...you know, how, like, crazy it was, you know?"
Cold? Yes. Admittedly. Parents are grieving. Families are altered forever. But...I cannot help but think of a room full of people - young, healthy people who were facing their last moments and only one - ONE man with 9mm's. That's it. Even a professional isn't going to be able to resist 30 rushing, resisting, bent on surviving human beings.
So what in the hell happened in that room?
Did they all look at each other, hoping one was packing, or that one was willing to die for the rest of them? Did they just line up to die like lemmings? Why didn't they just think for a minute - a moment - that it was their last decision? That they could take it or dish it out and give themselves a 50/50 chance vs. the 0% he was presenting them?
I know, I know...it's easy from this comfortable chair in my - relatively - secure home. But I've been in a similar place before, with worse odds and no backup. I saw the muzzle flit upward and the twisted smile after it lowered again. Just joking, yeah. A game...
But in that moment...knife came to hand from the counter and I had corners in mind - what would take a hit and remain intact. In that flitting, glinting glance came all my life in a roar in my mind and there was nothing I wouldn't do to continue breathing.
What happened in that room with all that roaring between their ears?
Was there no man there willing to do it - to be the one to take the hit so the rest could have a chance? [Ed: There was. Liviu, meet Fabrizio. I think you'll get along quite well.]
I don't know if I can stand the talking heads long enough to find out if anything else is known. If facts have come to light.
And what of the shooter? What motivations could be possible? Sure, one or two people, perhaps - vengeance. But 30? You have to carry a lot of hate to manage it. Or absolutely no feeling at all. To be God, to be God to each of them and select them...a reaping. Surely. But why?
More questions than answers at this point. Dumb masses - none left to tell the tale, I mean. Mute. Silenced. And someone somewhere is in a funeral home, taking photos, and meeting families outside with dad's that look just like their kids. And, just as likely, wondering what more they could have done.
But the one thing that I feel most clearly...no one was able to meet him on even ground. No other 9mm's there. Because they wanted the school to be a place of safety, a haven of learning. Oh, they learned something alright. That all the lies you've told them over the years - that you'll take care of them, that life is just fine if you will think this way, like us - that there is no truth in any of it.