I sometimes imagine that is the thought going through peoples minds when they think of me.
See, it's like this. I am not a fan of people, in general. I find most to be utterly bereft of anything...meaningful. So when I find the rare few that offer something of interest, an intelligence that entices, or some other kind of beauty I tend to be...more open than usual. Oh, but not open enough to reveal all, no. LOL Damn but what that might bring...
Life is jewel-like for me, now. Days are more precious, laughter has a higher value than gold, and I hold with great care thoughts of those I care for, even if it is the most ephemeral of relationships - those 1's and 0's lining up to make clear thinking that amuses... Perhaps it is my age creeping up on me. Something is, I can tell you that much.
Once, not all that long ago, there was someone Other and She always waited, patient as death, in a corner of my mind. She had a cruel sense of humor and a taste for things that were...unkind. And unsafe. And when that twisted smile came to my lips you could know she was whispering things not meant to be...carried out.
But She has gone into hiding.
At least, She is quieted. Perhaps on a very long vacation. I try to not pry too much, not wanting to attract that attention. But at night, sometimes, I have to admit I miss the company.