WHY do I feel the need for alliteration in every title? Hell, I piss myself off with the habit. Whatever.
Ok. So here's the thing - I cannot get out of my mind the thought of the fatal wreck of the other night. Trooper didn't work it - someone else did but the short version is that a gal was crowning the top of a largish hill on the highway when she ran off the road a bit in the left lane then launched her vehicle over the damned barrier and took the goddamned roof off an approaching van, killing the driver. He didn't talk about it except to say it was a gruesome scene.
Now, bad enough the twit who was probably fiddling with something in her car or driving impaired to have the death of someone on her hands...no...my concern is with the poor person going on about their business and being summarily plucked from this life in a way that no one - NO ONE - could even fucking think of in a drug-induced nightmare. How in the hell...forgive the language folks but...WTF?! As he was saying to another guy - you have to wonder if there was more reason behind such things. Did she need to die that moment? Or is life really that damned random? I don't think it is that random at all. So it's scary, that little piece of life.
In other news...Trooper and I are invited to the - well, the BBQ of the local hoi polloi. I will never fully understand small town life. Everyone knows everyone else, and people talk. I try really hard to not look like an utter slob as I get groceries and the like because, like it or not, I am representing him and DPS. This doesn't mean I am dolled up every moment but I am more careful than I used to be...
Tomorrow we were going to get lunch with some friends...I don't know how that will shake out but we'll see. He has scheduled some part time work that interferes with this entire weekend. I wanted it to be all of us and now it'll just be me and the other Trooper's wife...and I am just not good with people...he fills in my silences.
I don't pal around, I don't talk on the phone, I don't go to the mall. I am not like that at all. Sigh...You know how many gal pals I have? Two. I've never cultivated them - not even in school. Always the loner. And I guess...well, I guess it's just something I'll have to learn. This role as his wife ensures I will have many a BBQ, many a party and dozens of shopping dates to deal with. Being utterly unskilled in being social, it really...well, damn it. It bugs me.
But this gal is sweet as can be - just a joy - and talks like crazy so maybe my silence will be okay. I want very much to not seem like a standoffish bitch or to be that gal everyone thinks is stuck up. So I will try...I will try to be sociable and learn to converse and even to shop together.
And, in the meanwhile (because work is HELL lately and I don't know when I'll post again), allow me to leave you with a few of these - especially if you've waded through that morose pile of BS above. Bless you. Here's some music to soothe us both...I love Caroline Lavelle - and BT...