Thursday, January 22, 2009

I Pissed SOMEONE Off

Fair Warning. This post is essentially about being sick for a week. Not interested? I cannot blame you at all. I wasn't. Still ain't.

It is - what? - day 5 and I am STILL in travail. A horror, I tell you. A miserable horror that I can only imagine is marginally better than death.

Monday 11p: "Honey, I feel like crap..."
Monday 11:30p: Duodenum declines to receive any further immigrants.
Tuesday 12:45a: "Raalllppphhh! Uh...oh, no-no-nonono - wait!!..."
Tuesday 2:30a: Febral and thinking distantly that I should have cleaned the bathroom floor this past weekend.
Tuesday 3:34a "Thank God for a cold floor..."
Tuesday 5:00a "Raalllppphhh! Uh - oh, no-no-nonono - wait!!...Damn it!"

Well, I guess you get the point. This PLAGUE baffled me with its breadth and depth of disgusting putrifaction. If I feel even slightly unwell, a cup of mint tea and slow rubbing of the belly usually results in a restful sleep followed by an uncomfortable but brief toilette.

There was no bargaining with this. I paced back and forth, I prepared the area, getting the moist cloth and setting the extra mat nearby to cushion the position. All this I managed whilst still begging for it all to go away. I was trebly baffled by the speed of the assault. The fever, the sickness, the weakness...

Day after day, I waited for improvement. Wednesday was better but then came the...well...I sure could have used a gastro professional's advice. No matter how fast or often the gas was released it would just regenerate in my belly. And the noises! It was as though every inch of my innards was releasing something and digesting it. ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT. I could hardly eat for the pressure. It was a few spoons of hot cereal here, an egg and toast there over the course of the week.

Only today could I manage more than that, determined to beat this after being unable to get a doctor appointment. I woke Trooper far too early after a late shift, needing a breakfast to fight this beast. I would give it something to digest, damn it, no matter how full it felt. And all through the day, a few spoons here and there, which seems to have done well.

But then, tonight, the belching returned and I wonder at how its possible for a body to do this. Am I decomposing inside or something?! Outgassing like a fucking star going nova? I worry that now there really must be something wrong - something more than what I initially thought. Because food poisoning should have worn off by now...unless my innards are fouled beyond which case, the guest room will get a lot more use. Indeed, I used it a few nights as a tender mercy for Trooper.

Things had better start improving and soon. I can't imagine the lovely tests that will otherwise be necessary. Yeah...that's something to look forward lift up a prayer, slaughter a calf, whatever, y'all. But this has to end...


Brigid said...

You probably won't want to look at the post that's coming up later. I made croissants. From scratch. There's a reason the French military never did a whole lot. They were home trying to make &*#(@ croissants. When the recipe is 3 pages you know it's not going to be easy.

The result. OMG. Worth it. But not what you want to see if you are low carbing it.

I hope you are feeling better. .

Joan of Argghh! said...

Damn, woman! You just can't do anything half way, can you? Noooo... 'sgotta be all-out sick.

Poor dear. Continued prayers for you and prolly a 6-month ban on shellfish.

LauraB said...

You two...LOL...darlin', real croissants are an exercise in patience and love of food. You have to. All those turns...but my word, they have to be amazing...

Joan - to paraphrase a poem - " fear is great that you have taken Mexican food from me..."

Our beloved local establishment is where I fear I contracted this monster but we don't know that for certain. Trooper had a slight touch of it but only the barest.

It's time for some oatmeal and maybe even some actual movement to get my system back online. My sister reminded me the best thing to get a body back is to use it. Bless her...

Liberty Girl said...

Oy. And vey. Feel better posthaste, kthx.

Sam said...

I hope you're feeling better. Been there before...wanted to f'ing die.

Never been that sick before. Ever, to this day.

My mother, unknowingly, was responsible. I got an extra bowl of ice cream for the next ten years.