Saturday, November 21, 2009

That Place

There is one place I've been that instantly lifts from my soul the burdens of life, worries, and dread. And it's strange because it is also tainted so...almost a decade ago and yet that evening still rings loud as did the countdown of the year and the jarring clash of the band as I looked at my pretty shoes.

But even so...even so...it was the place I went to when I'd recovered myself. After all the drama, all the tears, and recriminations...after that madness was danced with and whirled away. I was the healthiest I'd ever been. So I let myself go there, alone this time, to celebrate.

Everytime I drive into town I see that front range peeking and we greet each other with released breath. That is a view not often noted, the Flat Irons stealing the show easily. One has to turn away from them in that meadow to see the undulating hills. And nestled below that town...

I was perhaps 15 the first time I saw it. Visiting my sister in a nearby town, her friend took me there to see the mountains. I was a city girl, entirely. The plains that skirt that range did not look that different - though the air certainly was. But we drove toward that town and my eyes widened. They beg you to come, keep coming, to climb and know them. And so we did, driving to Boulder Falls and (as they allowed it long ago) climbed behind and above them to where the fall was a mere trickling stream.

I remember looking up and up and seeing specks against that rock and having the sudden realization that those were people climbing up there. I hadn't a moment of vertigo before that moment but suddenly it came over me in a wave and I had to put my hands to those rocks to regain my senses.

Those rocks...I do not know what is there that meshes so with my soul. I have a courage and a strength there. I am often self-doubting and trying to work out Plan A, B and C before doing anything. But in those rocks, that air...I just Do.

I'll get there again this winter. I swear it - my feet will pattern that frosty meadow again. I just need to be patient. Not my strong point, no. I have to trust it Will Be. Because I need that place in me. I need that internal exhalation of soul. I need to let it all go even if only for a day.

There's a long night coming...I might not get another chance for a very long time.

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