Thursday, February 18, 2010

Sarah, Smile

Poor Sarah continues to deal with the crunch....and I made the mistake of opening the comments and read the one from her mom.

It generated so many flickers of memory and regret. I remembered most that small moment at the top of the stairs, everything I'd worked so hard to keep - a marriage, a home, a garden, a good name - being loaded in a truck or left behind forever. I'd been so strong for months. I'd fought hard to just exist and there were so many regrets in view from that vantage point.

I can remember my eyes shifting about, trying to make sense of it. And she was there - frail, bent, in constant pain - her arms around me and telling me it would all be okay. It's hard to believe in the moment but she was right, of course. Those years that seemed so full of trials and travails have faded.

So many days since I've wished she was here to talk to, to hold hands, and commiserate. I selfishly wish she'd died still full of life and pleasure rather than so weary and in pain so that my memories were not tinged with that sadness.

I hope that Sarah can understand that what is being done for her is done wholly out of love and that it is a gift - an amazing gift - that she will someday give to her own child. It is remembered. It is appreciated. And it is passed on.


Meadowlark said...

Thanks. I lost her quite some time ago when one site went dark and then I left my job with all my links. Glad to find her again. Will have to check it out.


LauraB said...

Glad I could link you back!