Thursday, March 13, 2014

Living To Serve

This has been in rotation on all devices of has everything I love in it...

More and more the sign of Morrigan flies across the world - birds winging elsewhere, and birds going to ground without a sound. Death and more death everywhere you look and I know that the strings are being pulled tighter from all around, the many nooses disguised...

I wobble from angry to nonplussed to fearful and then take the wide, wide arc to the mad twitch of a smile - a person who doesn't care what price you're demanding. It won't be paid.

I think about Acquisition regardless, thinking that there won't be any accounting any of it anyway. But I am still too proud to fall to that level - the sucker punch of the user to the used. Time enough, I tell myself but I doubt even my own words, now. Get rid of this place and get something else, better, with land...distance...but even that seems a fool's dream. A singular target or just another house on the block? And the madness says that there will be a plenty of empty places, with just a bit of char, one day.

Some fool decided a night in jail was worse than a couple counts of capital murder the other night. I couldn't understand it. SXSW has about a dozen alternatives to that decision - to drive drunk during the event is plain stupid and lazy. And now...well, I hope they had a great time - it will have been their last.

Sarge is away on a task force, having a good time doing what he loves. His digs are sweet, too. Says we will go on vacation sometime but I think he doesn't know what that sort of convenient luxury costs the average citizen. Amusing coincidence - his good friend from home is on assignment nearby, too. The Lakota was on overwatch and snapped a photo, Sarge smiling and holding up the stripes for the camera. A strange kind of overlapping of his lives in an unlikely place.

I play the choice songs this evening, trying to ready the mind for bed - sleep has been scarce for 3 nights and I hope this one can be tamed. Tomorrow...ah, tomorrow my pride must step aside and accept the very kind gift of a good that I cannot repay for some time. Like family, he said, and he could not know how I looked out that office window, my phone warm against my face as if the heat of the shame and appreciation leached into it. It is a hard thing to describe, that sense of grateful indebtedness. I have always tried so hard to not Need anyone or anything. It puts cracks in the fa├žade that are hard to repair. And that was the thing I felt as I looked out that glass to the nothing important - I felt the crack and it was echoed in my voice as I gave my fervent thanks.

Tomorrow I will be the one to greet this honor, and swallow away tears, unable to avoid it by hiding behind his wide shoulders. A great kindness...and I know that the future will hold more - that this road, this crossing of paths, was not for nothing and no accident. Entwined fates...

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