Thursday, March 20, 2014

Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

A clock is ticking, but it's hidden far away
Safe and sound, safe and sound
My God, this thing is spinning out of control, isn't it? You can't hide your fav fetish search but someone can take an entire aircraft off the grid and everyone shrugs. Russians declare the ability to destroy us whilst taking over a country, and our guy is picking his favorite basketball teams.

It is getting harder to find any humor in anything...the dogs feel the mood and angle away and gone, down the forbidden hill to the nasty ditch below - mercifully dry this day - looking for any escape from what must be a terrible emanating vibe. I crash through the weeds and tall grass, snatch their collars to hook the leash back on. Angry, angry, and so sleep and so tired that I let the dog out last night sometime and do not recall leaving the bed. At least I locked the door.

Sometimes I ache to just turn out the lights, get under the covers with something to throw me back into that smooth terrain of the soporific and let all of this, the 1's and 0's - go. To stop my brain from thinking in the useless round path it has worn.

I hear it ticking away, the hours of almost-all-over, and want to push Pause. Not ready, nowhere near it...just one more spring, give the kids a summer, and that cool autumn I love...Christmas I do not expect, don't dare ask for. No way this thing doesn't crash before then...

It is wrong to be so...careless. But I know, in truth, many will go without me. And all my concerns will be like sand on a shore - the most minute irritation to the world. So I do for them what I can, kith and kin. Spend my hours' recompense for their ease. It is staking a marker, you see, in the Future.

But no one will ever bear these blue eyes, will they? That is an eternal loss.


John Venlet said...

Courage, my friend, courage.

LauraB said...

Ah, comes and goes. Some days I can stand and others the knees buckle. The scope of the failure, you see...if I try to see the whole thing it is terrifying.

John Venlet said...

...if I try to see the whole thing it is terrifying.

You are not alone in this.

Laura, I understand that attempts to "see the whole thing" can be terrifying, in an overwhelming way. Though I think I "see" the whole thing, I understand that in all likelihood I do not. This concerns me, but does not terrify/paralyze me.

Reading your posts over the past few years, I think you're doing all you really can in response to
what you, we, see happening.

Take each day as a gift, treasure it, and use it the best you can. Yesterday is past, we can change nothing in it. Tomorrow is not here, and is unknown. Today is here. Do in it what you can, it may change what happens tomorrow.

My best to you, Laura.

LauraB said...

Thank you, John! You seem to always show when things are dim and make it lighter. I hope you and yours are well! And I am glad to know you are also Seeing...